


Pixie Wickets

by vericus



Series: Sparks Alex/Megatron AU [3]
Category: Transformers (Bay Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Megatron being a douche, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 09:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vericus/pseuds/vericus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And thus there was another mech whom everyone ran from when he uttered the words 'for science!'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pixie Wickets

**Author's Note:**

> I think I had some sort of a plan regarding a scene with Optimus that was supposed to go at the end of this. I've since forgotten it, and this entertains me, so, enjoy. Oh, and the title? That's my boi's fault.

"I have an idea."

"GYAAAH! WHAT THE FUCK!" Alex would have fallen over backwards if Megatron's smirking hologram hadn't caught her. She stared up at him with wide eyes, heart pounding, until she realized the position she was in. Pushing away and scrambling back several feet, she glared fiercely at him. "You are _never_ allowed to do that again! Knocking is a thing that even holograms should do!"

"I scanned first," Megatron said, still smirking as his hologram crossed its arms. "I knew you weren't busy."

"Busy has nothing to do with it! Scaring the piss out of me does!" Alex said, gesturing somewhat wildly with her arms.

"Ugh. Humans," Megatron said, making a disgusted face. Alex rolled her eyes, and tried not to grin. She was slowly learning that using the most disgustingly organic metaphors and turns of speech possible were the easiest way to get Megatron to stop doing something.

"See? There you go. No more popping in without knocking, or there will be pissing." She couldn't quite hold back the smirk. 

"Fine," Megatron grumbled, though judging from his glare, he knew what she was doing. He still apparently found organic bodily functions too gross to risk it, though.

"Right, now that we have that settled. What brilliant, insane idea did you have?"

"You haven't even heard it yet, and you're assuming it's insane?" Megatron, apparently, _did_ have the balls to sound insulted. Alex just gave him an incredulous look. "The subject of it is perhaps insane, but it's you meatsacks that thought of it, not me. The idea itself has a sound, scientific basis."

"Oh Primus. You're using science to justify it. This is going to be a doozy, isn't it?" Alex shook her head, looking amused. Megatron glared at her.

"Perhaps I'll just go find someone else."

"No one else will give you the time of day," Alex drawled. "And if you're in here with your holoform, you're bored enough that you're not just going to go sulk by yourself for a couple weeks, at which point you'll come up with an entirely new, equally insane, idea and come looking for me again." The former Decepticon leader growled, then popped out of existence.

Alone again, Alex let her head thunk into the wall with a sigh. Goosebumps prickling along her arms reminded her how cold it actually was in the bathroom, however, and she quickly turned away from the wall and climbed into the bath. Someday, Megatron would understand human propriety, but until then, she was just going to pretend like this whole incident never happened.

\---

Megatron was determined to prove Alex wrong on all counts, it seemed. He found her two days later in the Valley bar, literally plucking her off the table where she was having an animated discussion with Sideswipe about just which companies and corporations could go fuck themselves - Alex didn't pay much attention to the business side of things, but she did know how they treated their truckers. Sideswipe had been out of the business world for a long time, but Prowl had started putting his knowledge to good use recently, and so the red twin had been looking into how various companies ran themselves. Between the two of them, they had a fair amount to bitch about, so Sideswipe was rather annoyed when Megatron made off with his bitching partner.

"Hey! We're having a conversation here!" the red twin said, lunging after Megatron.

"You were. It's over now," Megatron sneered, dodging the red twin.

"You can't just make off with humans!"

"You can't, perhaps. I, however, can," Megatron said with a smirk, darting out the door. Sideswipe cursed and went to follow, but an amused Alex comm'ed him over the network and told him it was fine.

 _"I don't mind being made off with occasionally by former Warlords that are now rendered harmless,"_ she told the red twin with a laugh. _"At least he's socializing with a squishy."_

 _"He could be less rude about it,"_ Sideswipe grumbled.

 _"Yeah and Sunstreaker could be less of a grouch,"_ Alex replied pointedly. _"He's_ Megatron _. Everything he does involving humans is rude, if not outright insulting."_

_"True."_

_"We can bitch later, don't worry,"_ Alex said consolingly, and then cut the connection, turning her attention to Megatron. "Soooooo, what's up?"

"You're going skydiving."

"I'm _what?!_ " Alex demanded, staring incredulously at him.

"Going skydiving," Megatron sneered.

"The hell I am! I'm fine with flying, but no way am I jumping out of a perfectly good plane!" Alex said indignantly.

"You won't be jumping."

"The Allspark won't let you eject me, either," Alex retorted.

"Even if you have a parachute on?" Megatron asked with a smirk. Alex paused.

"You'd have to get me to put the parachute on in the first place. Which, by the way, _won't_ be happening." Megatron just smirked down at her. "Fragging glitched-out slag-sucking garbage drone -" Her curses were cut off as Megatron transformed around her, and suddenly Alex was sitting in the cockpit she'd been in only once before. "Let me out you -" she cut off with a squeak as belts snapped around her, holding her snugly against the seat. The positioning was slightly off from what she remembered last time, and she realized with a new string of curses that he'd somehow integrated a parachute into the seat, and she was now strapped into it.

"You were saying?"

"Fuck. You." Alex enunciated. "If you take off, I'm calling Optimus."

"Because that will be so effective once I'm already in the air," Megatron said sarcastically.

"I will go all Allspark on your aft," Alex tried threatening. Megatron snorted, the rumble of his engines starting, and Alex cursed as he shot into the air. She continued yelling curses at him, and kicking the inside of his cockpit, as he spiralled higher and higher into the atmosphere above the Valley. Then a click sounded, conspicuously loud, and Alex froze, expecting an ejection. Nothing happened, however, and Megatron made an irritated noise. "Hah!" The former Decepticon leader went into a dive, a rapid series of clicks sounding as he descending. Alex stayed firmly inside, however.

"Fragging Allspark," Megatron growled as he pulled up, almost skimming the surface of the energon lake with how low he got.

"Serves you right," Alex told him, laughing slightly as the exhilaration from flying started to get to her. She wasn't much of a risk taker, honestly. Except apparently when it came to flying. Megatron snarled, then fell silent as he looped lazily around the valley.

"You know, this _is_ in the name of science." His tone was persuasive now, and Alex's eyebrows shot up. "We never have established all the limits the Allspark has put on me in regards to humans, especially when it comes to flying." Alex looked around the cockpit suspiciously.

"Why exactly do you want me to go skydiving?"

"For science," Megatron replied, sounding completely reasonable. "You do have a parachute, after all. It's completely safe." Alex considered for a moment.

"Nope, still don't want to skydive," she concluded. "Parachutes malfunction all the time, even if you _did_ give me a fully operational one, which I highly doubt." Megatron cursed, and the straps of the parachute abruptly withdrew from around her. "Hah! That was it, wasn't it? You wanted to see if you could eject me with a faulty parachute!"

"If you could voluntarily injure yourself if you thought you were safe, actually," Megatron sneered.

"You mean kill myself. Skydiving accidents are generally fatal," Alex pointed out.

"Not always."

Alex frowned. "Where exactly did you get the idea to do this?" There was a long silence.

"I was bored." That was a touch too defensive, and Alex grinned.

"And what were you dooooing while bored?" There was a low mutter. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Watching your infernal meatsack broadcasts," Megatron snapped. Alex's grin nearly split her face in half now.

"Oh really now! And just what did you find to watch, hmm? Something on skydiving? Let me guess, an extreme sports show?"

"Actually, it was a comedy. I believe it was called ' _1000 ways to die'_."

Alex paused. "That's not a comedy."

"I found it hilarious," Megatron said, his smirk audible.

"You absolutely do _not_ get to try all one thousand of those ways on me," Alex told him shortly. "The Allspark won't let you, and I am _not_ an adrenaline junky."

"We'll see," Megatron sneered, and straps abruptly snapped around Alex again. A click followed immediately afterwards, and a smirk was just starting to grow on Alex's face when suddenly she was flying through open air, cursing Megatron.

**\- THE END -**


End file.
